20 days to YTT: who’s ready for this?

The countdown is well and truly on. The application is done, my money is on the table and I am stocking up on sweats and gear to see me through. I am absolutely, categorically, on the road to becoming a yoga teacher.

In preparation, I decided to set down some personal goals for the month leading up to the teacher training, including:

I will practise yoga every day to prepare for the physical task of the training;

I will eat clean, fresh foods to ensure my body and mind are happy and running on all cylinders;

I will not drink alcohol;

I will not eat sugary or processed foods;

I will start juicing every day;

I will not live beyond my financial means…

Umm…yeah right. Reality check. This is what actually happens:

I dash to the studio on my free nights after work, but never quite make it out of bed on those mornings I promise myself that I’ll get up and practise at home before work…

My internal systems are crying out for love. Trust me, just ask my partner. My belly keeps him up at night groaning and trumpeting for help while the rest of my body attempts to sleep. Probably due to…

mid-week dinner boozing (but I never – on a school night!!), weekend catch-up-with-friends-boozing, chill-out-at-home-with-a-movie-ON-MY-OWN booze…

chocolate blow-outs, ice-cream, lollies, Pringles, corn chips, wheat bread, bowls of popcorn (but homemade is fine, right? oh…wait for it…) covered in maple syrup…

hiding all my juicing ingredients in big dollops of peanut butter as a pre-yoga snack (read: dinner) and in so doing, saving them from the daily grind…

plunger coffee before work, strong take away latte on the way to work, instant coffee at work, tea in the afternoon…

skipping yoga classes I vowed to get to because I was too exhausted from all of the above…

The problem with this vicious cycle is that it is all linked. The booze makes me crave sugar, together they make me an insomniac, which leads me to binge eat on quick fix foods and drink loads of caffeine due to fatigue. This concoction reeks havoc on my digestive system, leaving me feeling like a ticking time bomb emotionally and physically.

I guess you could say I haven’t done so well with my preparation thus far. However, I keep hearing the word ‘rules’ rather than ‘goals’ in the back of my head and I’m wondering if this is, in fact, the issue. The idea of ‘rules’, ‘restrictions’ and ‘diets’ always feels a little bit like ‘sacrifice’, ‘punishment’ and ‘failure’. After crawling to the end of what seemed like an incredibly long week (think full moon, PMS and a classroom full of scared, angry children with daggers in their eyes) I actually made it to mid-term holidays. Time to regroup.

So after a big cry and a Friday night yoga and sushi date with a big-hearted girlfriend, my list looks a little more like this:

self-love

Rather than keeping on with the ‘I will…’ ‘I won’t…’ sentence fillers, my goal now is to gently remind myself each day to let go of any expectations and refocus my gaze on seeing how often I can answer ‘does this make me feel good?’ in the affirmative.

20 days. Here we come…

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