It starts in a quaint leafy garden. I sit in a daydream on the cute little rickety bench. It is dusk: the changing of the guards in the sky. Jimmy Morrison is quietly wailing inside, wafting out the back door. You’re wandering from room to room –
Where’s my belt?
Slicking your hair –
Here it is.
So charming, so handsome as you stare intently.
Right, I think that’s all I need…
You don’t say anything you just look at me with a knowing and –
What are you smiling at?
“Why are you sitting out here in the rain?” You ask, joining me on the bench.
It’s raining – ha! I hadn’t even noticed. Then, a single, lingering –
A little kiss.
A soft assuredness. I hold your gaze. You quietly hum along to Jimmy.
I wet my lips. I can still feel the urgency of your mouth on mine, your warm hand cupping my cheek, as you press into me. You draw your face away but I lift my legs onto your lap and slide in closer to you, your mouth, your breath still close.
“Come on, we should go inside.”
My heart sinks. “We should.” I say.
Your lips grab a sting of wet skin at my neck sending a chill up my spine. But then you’re gone, swallowed up by the house, by the day. The thrill racing through my body gets me up to standing. I am wired. I want to hold this feeling – my skin tingling – I can’t contain it. I surge forward.
The slam of the back door snaps me awake. She’s gone. Raindrops pound on my bedroom window. I squint, straining to see through the thick wall of rain, searching. A thunderclap booms. A flicker darts across my yard. A burst of lightning and she’s there – bones, limbs flashing – just for a moment.
Wait it’s gone. The wind groans and – wait, no – my blood beating. I’m still dreaming. I know it. Wake up! I want to see! That’s insane. Why would anyone be out…? My eyes dart around the room. Wake up! I’m alone in the bed. I remind myself again. The pillows next to me still hold the concave shape where her head lay. But I am alone. My blood pumps faster as my eyes search the darkness once more.
I wait for the lightning to strike. The wind howls, billowing across the window pane until – yes! Finally the light cracks and her eyes slap me in the face, wicked… taunting… They are locked into mine. A shrill down my spine pulls me under the windowsill. My heart is pounding. It’s dark.
The naked banshee is out there, exposed by the light. She’s waiting. She saw me, too. I grab my nerve and slowly crawl back from my hiding space. The darkness has slipped away slightly so I can just make her out. I sit dumbfounded, in awe. It feels childish, sick, pervy even. But I can’t look away. She is…
Suddenly the wind whips her hair sky high. Her body ripples, it cowers and lets out a hideous shriek. The rain is pounding down. Her heavy hair clutches desperately at her back. Her pale skin sparkles in the moonlight. She flicks her head back, suddenly violent, mouth wide to lap it up. Her arms outstretched, her eyes wild. It’s intoxicating. I can barely breathe. But then a giggle falls out of my mouth, catching me by surprise. I’m drowning and she’s dancing, mooching, seductive and slow. Her shrill laughter leaps over the storm. She’s glorious! She’s everywhere and everything and stop! Stop this! Stop it now! I want you here!
And then she’s gone. Where…?
I dart quickly back through the squeaky, snapping door. I want you to feel this.
Then I hear the snap of the door. The urgent footsteps down the corridor. Fuck. Fuck. I’m fucking shitting it – quick! No! Don’t move a muscle. Sleep!
Darkness. I scan the room: the outline of the bed, the window, the drawers. Then, slowly you appear. I can just make out your torso, your broad shoulders looking up to the ceiling. I stand staring at you. You have no idea I am here, do you?
I can hear you dripping on the floor.
I’m soaked. My hair clings to me. The chill of it slips down my body and forms a puddle at my feet.
I hear you tiptoe quietly.
I tiptoe carefully, quietly round the base of the bed. I want to look at you. To see your face, your skin, the shape of your back as it cascades along to your waist. Stripped bare. I could do anything to you right at this moment. You don’t even know who I am, what I’m capable of. Your hand lies close to your face, strong and gentle. I remember the palm of that hand, holding, pressing, loving my skin.
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” I hear you say, slowly waking up.
The sun is rising. You reach out drowsily and clutch my hand. For a moment I can feel you.
“Don’t leave me.”
But you know I have to.
I put my head on your chest, wrap my arms tightly around your waist and tell you I will never let you go.
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
I hold you close. It’s just you and me, gently rocking back and forth.
I don’t want to.
Don’t wake up.
But I don’t –
But as I rise every morning, she is gone.