Overheard on the Underground

‘She was wearin’ vese proper, like na’y freads like an’–’

‘Like wha’?’

‘Like vose nice like all-in-one fings, righ’? An’–’

‘Wha’, like a jumpsuit fing?’

‘Yeah, like one of vem fings, but proper like, you know wha’ I’m sayin’? Yeah?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, like proper polish lookin’. Like someone took a rag an’ hawked a bogey, gave it a nice shine, you know wha’ I’m sayin’, like?’

‘Yeah and so wha’? She jus’ bite your ’ead off or somefin’?’

‘Yeah! Like, yeah! Like…’

‘Well, like wha’ she say, like?’

‘Well she jus’ goes, Vat’s mine!, but posh like. An’ I’s jus’ finkin’…FUCK…! You know wha’ I’m sayin’?’

‘Yeah…fuck…! But…was tha’ it?’

‘Yeah! Well nah, but I was outta vere, you know? Like, she’s screaming ‘er head off like a bloody banshee an’–’

‘Like a wha’?’

‘A bloody banshee an’–’

‘What’s a banshee?’

‘It’s… it’s like a…it’s a lady…but a bug lady. A bad one.’

‘A bad lady bug? You for real?’

‘Yeah it’s yeah, like… evil like.’

‘Evil lady bug?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Never ’eard ov it.’

‘Somefin’ like tha’ anyway…’

‘I fink you made it up.’

‘Nah! I dunno, I forget. But it’s somefin’… Anyway, listen! I ran all the way down Oxford Street, down t’station, jumped ’em barriers an’ the rest is ’istory.’

‘D’you reckon she’s just like still standin’ there, shocked like?’

‘Yeah! I reckon she’s prob’ly given birf to a host of banshee bloody babies by now!’

‘So where is it?’

‘Wha’?’

‘Wha’ you took.’

‘Oh! Right. Right ‘ere…’

‘You stole ‘er shoppin’?’

‘Nah, vat’s just the bag it come in. Look inside ‘ere.’

‘Nurofen?’

‘Yeah!’

‘Wha’? You go’an ’eadache or somefin’? You due on your rags?’

‘I might do. Or…someone else. I’m gonna sell ’em off.’

‘Wha’, you fink you’re a drug dealer now?’

‘Yeah! I could be proper gangster, like. Work the streets. Make some dough.’

‘You fink you’re gonna turn a dime off of providing ibuprofen to evil, premenstrual lady bugs wiv an ’eadache?’

‘Yeah…some ov’em got codeine as well…’

‘Not vese ones.’

‘Well anyway, obviously I’ll branch out at some point. But we all go’a start somewhere, don’t we, eh?’

‘If you say so.’

 

Polish  // Natty ~ The Daily Post ~ Daily Prompt

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